My journey to weight loss

Ramblings about everything EXCEPT weight loss!

2006-07-19T10:32:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's one of those days.

So, I sold my two white silkies today. We hatched them here so I have had them for three months. If I know we are going to sell them, we try not to name them because it makes it hard to part with them. Thankfully I knew since they were tiny that I was going to sell them at some point so it was okay. Plus they went to some really cool/nice people who seem to love their animals so that makes it even easier.

So I am down to 11 chickens now. Man. I went from like 50 at one point (that included 10 ducks, though so not 50 feathered friends is more accurate! LOL) and now down to 11. I have 8 silkies and 3 polish. I would like to get a few more, but not too many. Definitely a few more polish.

I'm tired and my kids and I are NOT meshing well this Summer. I'm sure we're just all sick of each other by now. LOL I try to take them places, thinking if they aren't bored, they'll behave later. HAHA RIGHT! Does NOT happen. They are fine (sometimes) when we're out, but then back to hellions when we come home. The couple that came to get the chickens had a dog that I swear was better behaved than my kids. Now THAT is bad! LOL

The boys start swimming lessons (2nd time this Summer) at the end of this month and Cait starts ballet...well, some time. We're waiting to hear the definite starting date as it has continued changing. So, anyway, all I hear multiple times a day now is when do we start (fill in the blank), quickly followed by can we go to (fill in the blank with park, store, pool, grandpa's and much much more!) quickly followed by can we have (fill in the blank with food, candy, toys, video game restriction off and much much more!). Some days I think I should not have been a mother, but it's a little late now and thankfully, those days are few and far between!

One thing I'll say about weight loss...I forgot I shouldn't have alchohol during a diet. Dang! That's one thing I can count on to relax me when I have had a day from hades with the wild things. Well, if it's between losing weight and losing my sanity, I think I'll settle for a drink. EVERYONE will thank me, I am sure!

Food and fear.

2006-07-17T13:16:00.000-07:00

I am so afraid of dieting and food becoming a constant on my mind. I don't want to be obsessed with it. I know they say it's a new way of life which is fine, but I don't want to be thinking about food constantly and whether I am eating what I should, etc. I get obsessed way too easily with it and I know if I cross that line again, it will not be a good thing for myself or my body.

I went in search of a jogging stroller today as I heard they were marked down at K-Mart. There were none to be found. I guess that will be my next "big purchase" because I want to walk the track (it's only a mile away, why not?!) and I'll have to bring the kids along. I know I am getting way too ambitious, but I would love to do a mile a day and take off the weekends. We shall see. It's so hot here, I don't know.

I also want to work on my muscle and am trying to find some free style weights. I do enough lifting and working with building/wood, etc. that I have some built up in my arms already, but I would like to improve on that and, of course, make that solid muscle and not muscle with some flab hanging off the bottom. LOL

And so we begin...

2006-07-16T05:48:00.000-07:00

I don't like myself. Not at all. I cannot find anything pleasing about myself, physically or any other way. Even when I was skinny (yes, I was pre-kids), I never thought I was pretty or skinny or...well, anything. Little did I know how much worse I could be!

It all begin when I had my first baby...and I was NOT one of those that lost weight when breastfeeding. I maintained, but did not lose. Then one year later, I got pregnant again. 23 months of breastfeeding and again, I maintained. Pregnant again, 24 months of breastfeeding and again, maintained. I did lose 23 pounds after she turned one, but that was it. Then I became pregnant again when she was 2 and lost the baby. I weaned her, though because my midwife told me I probably miscarried because I was nursing. (WRONG!) I was so thrilled to be pregnant again a few months later, I figured all body issues would be put on hold. For the first time in...well, a LONG time, if ever, I felt somewhat pretty and okay with my body...that is until I had a bad "defining moment" (ala Dr. Phil) that definitely changed my thinking in a negative way. Unfortunately my self esteem was already so fragile even before that so needless to say, I still have bad thoughts/feelings about that time in my life (which is sad because isn't that supposed to be a beautiful time in your life?).

Now, my youngest (4th and last child, I think) is almost 14 months old and I am ready to lose. I am sick of the "new me" and am ready to be the "new and improved me" whose body doesn't resemble an emptied out feed sack with sags and bags and...well, all that good stuff! LOL

So, let the journey begin! I have had success with Atkins in the past so will begin trying that along with exercise, of course. Will attempt to post full body pictures in the near future to hopefully be able to tell the difference as we go, but we shall see. For now, a face shot is all I have.

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